Making the Move Easy on the Kids

Most often, a move represents an important step forward for the adults in the family because of a new job, promotion, transfer to a different office, or financial success has allowed them to buy a more comfortable house in a different neighborhood.

Moving from one house to another is seldom easy and enjoyable for adults (who chose to move), and can be especially troubling for children (who prefer to stay where they are). But if parents are mindful of their children’s concerns and needs, they can minimize distress and discomfort.

A Move Affects Children Differently From Adults

People typically live in a house for about five years and then move on as their jobs and incomes allow. Five years is a small percentage of an adult’s life, but it’s half the lifetime of a 10-year old: it includes almost all the years he or she can remember. It may be the only home the child’s ever known, and the place s/he feels most safe and comfortable.

A house is much more than a place to live to children. It’s the center of their world, associated with familiar activities, sights, and sounds. A move threatens their security and leaves something unknown in its place. Their friends, and the familiar streets, schools, shops, trees and parks are gone. The new neighborhood is someone else’s world.

The impact of a move on a child starts about the time he or she first hears about it, and often continues until the new house becomes home. It’s not necessary to tell young children about this big change immediately, although they must hear about it from their parents before someone else tells them.

Expect that your children may be even more distressed after the move. The new house will not be comfortable or beautiful the night the moving van leaves, or for months after. The furniture won’t fit the rooms, and the floor will be covered with half-unpacked boxes. The children won’t know anyone at school and, if you move during the summer, they may have little opportunity to meet others their age. They’ll need your help: plan ahead to support and comfort them and ease the stress of the move.

Easing The Stress Of The Move

Young Children Have Special Needs

Describe the move in a truthful, positive way. Tell upbeat stories about the benefits of the new house and location. Plan together to make the new setting feel like home:
Ask about their favorite activities (e.g. soccer), and plan to investigate youth programs in the new community.

• Ask what they like best about the present house (e.g. the swimming pool) and assure them that you’ll find a place for them to swim in the new town.



• Ask what they like best about the neighborhood (e.g. their friends), and make plans to invite the children on the block to a Welcome to the Neighborhood Party once you’ve settled in.



• Ask what they like the most about their school (e.g. their teacher), and let them know that you’ll request a tour of their new school and a chance to meet their teacher beforehand.



• Ask what they like most about their community (e.g. the video game parlor), and assure them that those activities will be available in the new location.



• Use children’s literature. Books can help children prepare for and understand difficult situations. Story characters who model successful coping strategies are an excellent resource for children.
  
  

If the new home is too far away for the entire family to visit, show the children pictures of the house, yard, and neighborhood. Videotape it if you can. Include pictures of each child’s new room.

Ask the children to name the house with an inviting description, like “Oak Hill,” for the big trees and sloping lawn.

Young children need protection from fear of the unknown. Listen carefully to their concerns and respond quickly to relieve their apprehensions. It’s normal, for instance, for a young child to worry that his or her toy box and shelf of stuffed animals might be left behind. Uncover those anxieties by actively involving your children in the process.